Making Friends with Pain
Yesterday I received a group text from a fellow friend in ministry who was asking for prayer. He would be leaving the church he had known for years and job that he had poured his life into. Due to the emotional unhealthiness and deficient leadership of those in authority over him, he was under attack and being misunderstood. A line in his text to us read, “I hope you guys never have to experience this kind of pain.” Unfortunately, I knew at least one of the other guys in the text were experiencing something very similar. I myself knew all too well the hurt, disappointment, and anger he was dealing with from something all too familiar. My guess is, we aren’t alone. Most everyone, at some point in their life, is called to work or serve under someone who doesn’t appreciate, value, understand, or lead you well. At the end of the day, you have no control over the words, thoughts, and actions of the person in authority over you. However, what you can control is your response to it.
I believe with all my heart God will use this type of pain to develop our character if we allow Him to. How we chose to respond to the misunderstandings and hurts from those over us will determine how we grow and how Christ-like we become. Make friends with your pain and allow God to use it for His purpose. If you’re reading this and are holding back those tears of pain, I’m challenging you not to give up or lose hope. Keep asking. Keep seeking. Keep knocking. God is preparing you now for what He desires to do through you. But while you wait and while you pray, I implore you to do these three things.
GUARD YOUR THOUGHTS
The greatest battle you will fight is in your mind. Make no mistake, the battle will be won or lost there. You will assume the worst, connect dots that don’t exist, and create imaginary scenarios that will fuel bitterness and resentment if you allow it. Paul writes about this in his second letter to the Corinthians. He reminds them of the reality of spiritual warfare all of God’s children are engaged in and says, “We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.” [2 Corinthians 10:5] You must take your thoughts captive and speak God’s truth to yourself. This is why Bible intake, mediation, and prayer is so important. Write down verses that speak peace, encouragement, and love. Keep them in places where you will see them often. Memorize them, repeat them, and allow God’s Word to guide your thinking.
GUARD YOUR HEART
Negative thinking leads to negative emotions. Again, this is why it starts with controlling your thoughts. You will also need to guard your heart by avoiding the negative influences of those around you. A common tactic of the Enemy is to send people across your path who will empathize and feed your emotions with agreement. While their intentions may be innocent, they can quickly darken a heart and shift a broken spirit into one of pride. Be careful of conversation that includes “you don’t deserve that” or “I can’t believe they would do that to you.” All of sudden the person who was there to bring hope and comfort now has fueled your feelings of injustice. People who have experienced hurt from the same person will come out of the woodwork to hear what you have to say. Avoid it and keep your heart soft. There’s a reason the wisest man in the Old Testament wrote, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” [Proverbs 4:23]
GUARD YOUR MOUTH
Warning… this will be the hardest. Watch what you say. You may have every right to fight back and defend yourself. Don’t do it publicly or to anyone other than the very person that is the source of pain. Take the high road and allow God to fight your battle. Your silence and lack of public self-defense will speak volumes and God will honor it. The Bible has much to say about guarding your mouth and controlling the tongue (Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 18:21, James 1:19). Take it to God. I don’t say that in a “simple Sunday school” type of solution. I mean literally express your raw emotion and feelings to God. He can handle it and He knows how you feel anyway. There are tremendous examples throughout the Bible of men and women who pour out their painful laments to God. Take them there, not to the listening ears of your peers.
A few concluding thoughts…
All of us need friends in our life in whom we can be accountable and share the depths of our heart with. God uses those people to help get you through incredibly painful times and to encourage you when you need it most. I’m not minimizing that. In fact, I’m incredibly grateful and blessed with several who God used to hold me steady and remind me of such principles. Just recognize the difference.
When I was going through an incredibly difficult season, a friend of mine sent me the following. It has remained with me and something I reference often. I hope it brings you as much hope for the future, as it did me.
Your calling is going to crush you. If you’re called to mend the brokenhearted, you’re going to wrestle with broken-heartedness. If you’re called to prophesy, you’re going to struggle to control your mouth. If you’re called lay hands, you will battle spiritual viruses. If you are called to preach and to teach the gospel, you will be sifted for the wisdom that anoints your message. If you are called to empower, your self-esteem will be attacked, your successes will be hard fought. Your calling will come with cups, thorns and sifting that are necessary for your mantle to be authentic, humble and powerful. Your crushing won’t be easy because your assignment is not easy. Your oil is not cheap. -Pastor Patrick Weaver
Keep looking up,
Pastor Alan Hannah
Pastor Alan is the lead pastor of Allegheny Center Alliance Church. To find out more about ACAC, go here.
